1 00:00:11,460 --> 00:00:12,580 I'm wearing my tails tonight. 2 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:14,380 Do you like them? 3 00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:28,300 And now, ladies and gentlemen, this trick now I'm going to show you is 4 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:29,300 dangerous. 5 00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:32,180 I could break my neck doing this. 6 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,880 So if I meet with an accident, I'd like to take my applause now. 7 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,520 I'm not going to break my neck for that. 8 00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:53,580 Yes, it's Cooper's half hour. 9 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,760 We're going to have a good time. 10 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,480 Oh, yes, we are. 11 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,900 Come on in and sit right down the town. 12 00:01:45,549 --> 00:01:52,210 © BF -WATCH 13 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,550 TV 2021 14 00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:31,450 Sit right now. Come on in. Sit right now. 15 00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:33,810 We'll have a good time. 16 00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,110 Yes, we will. 17 00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:38,930 Come on in. Sit right now. 18 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,080 Gentlemen, it's the star of our show, Tommy Cooper! 19 00:04:18,339 --> 00:04:19,339 Well, 20 00:04:20,579 --> 00:04:21,579 good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 21 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:23,640 Have I got time for more? 22 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,580 The producer of the show said to me the night, he said, how are you feeling 23 00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:35,680 tonight? I said, I feel a little bit funny. 24 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,040 He said, well, get out of there before it wears off. 25 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,780 Do you know, anybody here that saw the last show? 26 00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:48,700 Anybody? Yes? 27 00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:51,060 Great. 28 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,760 No? That's all right, thanks. 29 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:02,400 Now the reason I say that because as a producer last in the last show said to 30 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:08,940 I said to him What was it like I said to him what was it like and he said he 31 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:15,880 went he went He said it wasn't very 32 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:16,880 good I said what do you mean? 33 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:22,760 He said it wasn't you I said what do you mean it wasn't me? 34 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,200 He said what he did about his sparkle 35 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:27,210 He said, you were down. 36 00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,390 He said, you weren't bright. All like that. 37 00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:36,150 He said, you weren't like that at all. You were down like that. Up, bright. 38 00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:41,890 I said, I thought I was. 39 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,430 You know, he said, you wasn't. 40 00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:45,710 That's what I thought I was. 41 00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,670 And he didn't like it much. 42 00:05:51,610 --> 00:05:53,010 No, he left in a huff. 43 00:05:54,300 --> 00:06:01,280 Well, it may be a day, but I don't know As if 44 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:07,460 you weren't sparkling I'll come 45 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:15,220 out 46 00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:18,640 again see what I look like this time. I'll come out again, right 47 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,150 Is that better? 48 00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:26,170 Hey! 49 00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:27,930 Look at that sparkle. 50 00:06:28,270 --> 00:06:29,270 Is that better? 51 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,090 It's better, isn't it? 52 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:39,290 That's not bad. 53 00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:41,410 He said, roll your eyes. I went like that. 54 00:06:44,330 --> 00:06:45,330 Feel the rolling? 55 00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:47,790 Feel? 56 00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:50,270 I did that the other day. This one fell out. 57 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,760 He said, but you weren't yourself. 58 00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:57,060 You weren't the real me. 59 00:06:57,340 --> 00:06:58,580 So it got me worried. 60 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,640 So I went to my doctor. 61 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:03,860 And my doctor goes about six or seven hospitals a week. 62 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,440 He's a very sick doctor. 63 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,760 And so he sent me to see this psychiatrist friend. 64 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,420 And I told him what the producer said. 65 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,660 Because I was a little bit upset, you know. 66 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,500 And he said, I wasn't the real me. 67 00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:22,000 He said, well... 68 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,380 We're going to look for who the real you is. 69 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,800 Otherwise, you won't be happy. 70 00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,340 I said, you're right, you're right. 71 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,640 I was right. Well, I was right. 72 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:41,180 Because the producer said... He said, it just wasn't you. 73 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,440 It wasn't you. 74 00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:44,140 It wasn't the real you. 75 00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:49,200 So I told him, I said, the producer said, I wasn't the real you or me. 76 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,280 Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't. 77 00:07:56,820 --> 00:08:01,060 And he said, well, we've got to look for the real you. 78 00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:06,180 And I said to myself, well, if I don't know who I am, 79 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,560 how do I know what I look like? 80 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,900 And the real me can be worse than me. 81 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,760 He made that very sparkly than me. 82 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:18,840 It made me worse. 83 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,580 No sparkly at all like that. 84 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,060 And he'd get in trouble with the producer. 85 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:27,020 And he said to me, the producer said, there's no goodies there, it wasn't you. 86 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:31,140 He said, you looked all alone up there last week, all alone. 87 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,220 I said, well, I'm the only one here. 88 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:53,460 See that? 89 00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:55,840 This is just the same. 90 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,460 Stop it, stop it, stop it. 91 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,240 Stop it. Hey, hey, hey. 92 00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:06,420 I will now change this thing of rocks into furniture. 93 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,120 One, two, three. 94 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,160 Three piece three. 95 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,660 Herring -a -doo -a -day, herring -a -doo -a -daddy -o, herring -a -doo -a -day, 96 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,120 with my wax -balled -a -daddy in the town of Valley Bay. 97 00:09:28,380 --> 00:09:31,760 There was a lassie dwellin', I knew her very well, and the story's worth the 98 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,500 tellin'. Her father had the still, he was a good distiller, but when she had 99 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:37,040 thirst, a brewery wouldn't fill her. 100 00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:40,700 Herring -a -doo -a -day, herring -a -doo -a -daddy -o, herring -a -doo -a -day, 101 00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:42,280 with my wax -balled -a -daddy -o. 102 00:09:44,380 --> 00:09:47,080 And she had the wooden leg, it was hollow in the middle. 103 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,580 She tied it with a string and she played it like a fiddle. She fiddled in the 104 00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:54,380 hall, she fiddled in the alley. She didn't give a fiddle or she had to 105 00:09:54,380 --> 00:09:57,840 anyway. Her ring -a -doo -a -day, her ring -a -doo -a -daddy -o, her ring -a 106 00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,820 -doo -a -day with me whack -a -ball -a -daddy -o. 107 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,500 And she said she couldn't dance unless she had her wellies on. But when she had 108 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,420 them on, she danced as good as anyone. She wouldn't go to bed unless she had 109 00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:12,220 shimmy on. But when she had it on, she'd go to bed with anyone. 110 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,720 Her ring -a -doo -a -day, her ring -a -doo -a -daddy -o, her ring -a -doo -a 111 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:21,240 -day with me whack -a -ball -a -daddy -o. She had lovers by the score. Every 112 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,440 time I'd take in Harry, she was courting night and day. Still she wouldn't 113 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,680 marry. And then she fell in love with the fella with the stammer. When he 114 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,640 to run away, she hit him with the hammer. 115 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:30,880 Herring -a -doo -a -day. 116 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,400 Herring -a -doo -a -daddy -o. Herring -a -doo -a -day with my whack -balled -a 117 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,400 -daddy -o. 118 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,360 She had children by the score. She had children in the fire. She'd another ten 119 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,000 or twelve sit and roar and be the fire. She fed them on potatoes and soup made 120 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,520 out of nettles and lumps of hairy bacon that she boiled up into kettles. Herring 121 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:48,519 you do a day. 122 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,120 Herring you do a daddy -o. Herring you do a day with me whack full of daddy -o. 123 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,940 So she led a simple life, eating porridge and like pudding. She 124 00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,300 man, and then he died sudden. 125 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:03,060 And when he passed away, she was feeling very sorry. She rolled him in a sack 126 00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:06,580 and she threw him in the quarry. Herring -a -do -a -day, herring -a -do -a 127 00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,380 -daddy -o, herring -a -do -a -day with me. 128 00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:30,700 Thank you. 129 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:05,900 Oh, dear. 130 00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,620 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall ask you to now show you the very famous 131 00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:14,660 floating ball. This was done by that wonderful magician Ching Ling Su. 132 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:17,760 And all the famous magicians are dead. 133 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:18,960 Hu Jing is dead. 134 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,100 Horace Gold is dead. 135 00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:22,220 I don't feel so good myself. 136 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,280 Anyway, what happens in this ball? 137 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,800 It will come out of here. It'll float up. 138 00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:29,760 It'll come up to about there. It may come up to there. 139 00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:37,940 Oh, no, I won't, because I... Right, 140 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:48,020 see, now, when I say the magic words, half -hour, direct command to the boar, 141 00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:49,440 will come slowly up. 142 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,060 Ha! 143 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,140 I didn't say hard enough. 144 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,640 He let me down in front of all these people. 145 00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:59,500 Right, I've become... Now, look, now. 146 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,160 Here we go. 147 00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:02,300 Now, up you go. 148 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,520 Up. Oh, it looks lovely. 149 00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:08,860 Marvellous. Up you go. See, it won't go left. 150 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,500 And it won't go right. 151 00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:12,340 But it goes right. 152 00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:14,180 Up. 153 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,040 Up. 154 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,280 Up. 155 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,340 I've forgotten something. 156 00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:20,740 Let me think. No, what was it? 157 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:22,780 I forgot the magic word. 158 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,400 Hocus Pocus. 159 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:25,980 Fishbones chokers. 160 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:29,460 So you hold the ball. 161 00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:32,590 I said, 162 00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:34,530 have you seen that ball? 163 00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:36,350 Where's that ball? Have you seen it anywhere? 164 00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:38,110 I was here. 165 00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:41,870 I was standing here, I can tell you. I was standing right here. And I was 166 00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:43,250 holding... Oh, there you are. That's it. 167 00:13:43,550 --> 00:13:45,370 I was holding it like that, you see. 168 00:13:45,770 --> 00:13:47,190 Now, what's going to happen is this. 169 00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:49,170 No, 170 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:49,929 I'm kidding. 171 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,130 No, you see. 172 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,430 Now, go left, left. 173 00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:54,950 Oh, right, that's it. Go right. 174 00:13:56,030 --> 00:13:59,710 Where are you now? Where are you? Oh, there you are. That's cut. 175 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,560 Come back to daddy now. Don't let me down. 176 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,300 Now, where's that ball? Where is it? 177 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:05,540 Have you seen it anywhere? 178 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,300 Where is it? I mean, nowhere. 179 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:11,480 Come to daddy. Come to daddy now. 180 00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:13,560 Daddy, daddy, daddy. Come to daddy. 181 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,720 I don't know where it is. See, what I was going to do is this. 182 00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,040 I was going to hold my hand like that, you see. 183 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,000 And then pull the ball up, hold it on the right. 184 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,700 And then up again onto the left, you see. 185 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:25,920 That kind of thing. 186 00:14:26,510 --> 00:14:27,510 Because I got them all. 187 00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:29,230 I'm sorry, Bob. 188 00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:31,710 I told you I couldn't do it. 189 00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,930 This is so horrible. 190 00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:39,790 Ladies and gentlemen, the Bond Queen. 191 00:14:58,460 --> 00:14:59,860 Bye. 192 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,700 Bye. Bye. 193 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:25,240 So if you see a spider, don't you stir up a spider. What you think the widow's 194 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,240 wearing black? 195 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,760 Jack! Queen Bee, baby. 196 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,680 Pray that you may be left on your own. 197 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,340 None should give you, gonna outlive you. 198 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:46,080 But the Queen Bee's never gonna be alone. 199 00:15:55,670 --> 00:15:58,470 Oh, yeah. 200 00:16:00,550 --> 00:16:01,950 Oh, 201 00:16:08,810 --> 00:16:09,810 wow. 202 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,800 I'm not even first. She's gonna feed you to a dinosaur. 203 00:17:22,670 --> 00:17:23,670 I'm so sad 204 00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,070 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 205 00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:32,770 I would now like to demonstrate to you the art of probing into the inner mind. 206 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,880 The ancient art of hypnotism. 207 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,300 For this, I require a volunteer from the audience, and I promise I will not 208 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,160 ridicule that person in any way whatsoever. 209 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:48,920 But I must point out that I have found in the past that the more intelligent 210 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,800 person is, the more susceptible they are to being hypnotized. 211 00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:02,520 So I would like a highly sensitive, intelligent person to assist me. 212 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,300 May I please have a volunteer? 213 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:05,640 Yes. 214 00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:06,940 Step this way, please, sir. 215 00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:16,180 Firstly, I would like 216 00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:20,180 to show you the amazing vanishing vase, because I'm also somewhat of a 217 00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:21,460 prestidigitateur. 218 00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:29,120 Would you kindly hold this tray? 219 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,040 Would you hold the vase? 220 00:19:33,629 --> 00:19:34,710 Yes, go on. 221 00:19:35,730 --> 00:19:37,510 It's the cards, you know. What? 222 00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:41,550 You're leaving. 223 00:19:45,590 --> 00:19:48,710 I will now cover the vase with this clock. 224 00:19:51,510 --> 00:19:56,050 I will 225 00:19:56,050 --> 00:20:00,050 now cover... 226 00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:01,610 The vase. 227 00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:02,890 It is closed. 228 00:20:07,010 --> 00:20:11,870 Now, when I fire this gun, the vase will vanish. 229 00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:54,210 It's still related enough to say that. 230 00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:58,650 Ladies and gentlemen, here I have an ordinary pack of cards. Now, sir, would 231 00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:00,450 take any card you like? Any card at all. 232 00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:01,789 Look at it. 233 00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:02,790 Don't show me. 234 00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:04,050 Replace it. 235 00:21:05,790 --> 00:21:10,790 And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I reveal the chosen card in a mysterious 236 00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:14,750 way, I will hypnotize this intelligent man. 237 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,680 Look deep into my eyes. 238 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:55,860 And now, sir, you're on board ship on the high seas. 239 00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:59,040 And the sea is getting rough. 240 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,040 Very rough. 241 00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:07,320 And you're going up and down. 242 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,860 The sea is getting calmer. 243 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,680 The sky is blue. 244 00:22:30,980 --> 00:22:33,060 The sun is shining. 245 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,560 And you feel happy. 246 00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:38,380 Very happy. 247 00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:41,720 You feel like singing. 248 00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:44,060 Yes. Singing. 249 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,720 Yes, we have no bananas. 250 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,980 We have no bananas today. 251 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,460 We have sausages. 252 00:22:54,090 --> 00:22:55,090 And onions. 253 00:22:55,210 --> 00:22:58,970 Now, when I... Plums. When I clap... My hands. 254 00:22:59,490 --> 00:23:00,490 Plums. 255 00:23:01,650 --> 00:23:03,270 Plums. And onions. 256 00:23:03,470 --> 00:23:06,390 When I clap my hands, you will come out of your trance. 257 00:23:08,650 --> 00:23:09,650 And now, sir. 258 00:23:10,690 --> 00:23:13,290 Do you remember? You chose a card from this pack. 259 00:23:13,650 --> 00:23:15,970 Would you tell the ladies and gentlemen your chosen card? 260 00:23:16,690 --> 00:23:20,830 The ace of hearts. The ace of hearts has risen invisibly from this pack into 261 00:23:20,830 --> 00:23:22,730 your top breast pocket, sir. 262 00:23:45,129 --> 00:23:46,129 Thank you. 263 00:23:46,670 --> 00:23:47,930 Thank you very much. 264 00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:51,310 The producers gave me the cigar. 265 00:23:52,430 --> 00:23:54,010 One for myself and one for me. 266 00:23:55,530 --> 00:23:56,930 Yeah, he did. He got them. 267 00:23:58,670 --> 00:24:00,710 Two for one pound ten pence. 268 00:24:02,790 --> 00:24:04,290 I think this is a ten pence one.